HASH HARRIER SONGS from the Gunner Cum's Introduction to Down Down Songs

A Spare Rib Brothers Production -Spare Rib Brothers/Sisters- Cute Glute, Spare Rib, Gunner Cum, EZ Over, Rock Hard (Hon)

1 Hare’s Song (The Mayor Of  Bayswater’s Daughter) (Tune – The Ashgrove) And the hairs, and the hairs, And the hairs on her dicky di do Hung down to her knee. One black one, one white one, And one with a bit of shite on, And one with a fairy light on To show us the way.	2 True Blue Here’s to ………… He’s (she’s/they’re) true blue, He’s a piss-pot through and through, He’s a bastard so they say, Tried to go to heaven But he went the other way.	3 True Blue Alternative Here’s to ………… He’s (she’s/they’re) true blue, He’s a hasher through and through, He’s a piss-pot so they say, And he’ll never get to heaven In a long, long way.	4 Brother/Sister Hasher (Tune – Ach, Du Lieber Augustin) Here’s to brother hasher, Brother hasher, brother hasher Here’s to brother hasher, May he chug-a-lug He’s happy, he’s jolly, He’s fucked up by golly, So here’s to brother, May he chug-a-lug. So drink Mother Fucker, Drink Mother Fucker etc.
5 Meet The Hashers (Tune – The Flintstones) Hashers/virgins, meet the hashers, We’re the biggest drunks in history. From the, town of ………., We’re the leaders in debauchery. Half minds, Trailing shiggy through the years, Watch us, as we down a lot of beers. Hashers/virgins meet the hashers, You’ll have a good time, You’ll have a great time, You have a gay/great old time.	6 Why Was He Born So Beautiful? Why was he born so beautiful? Why was he born at all? He’s no fucking use to anyone, He’s no fucking use at all? (Occasional addition) He may be a joy to his mother, But he’s a pain in the arsehole to me.	7 He Ought To Be Publicly Pissed On (Tune – My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean) He ought to be publicly pissed on, He ought to be publicly shot, He ought to be tied to a shithouse And left there to fester and rot.	8 Finger In Your Ear How would you like My finger in your ear? How would you like My finger in your ear? Chorus: Oh no – not fucking likely! Not fucking likely! Not fucking likely! Hey! How would you like My finger in your rear? How would you like My finger in your rear? Repeat Chorus:
9 Wings Of An Eagle If I had the wings of an eagle, If I had the wings of a crow, I’d fly above all the treetops, And shit on the hashers below. Shit on, shit on, I’d shit on the hashers below, below. Shit on, shit on, I’d shit on the hashers below.	10 What A (Wank) (Tune – William Tell Overture) What a wank, what a wank, What a wank, wank, wank, What a wank, what a wank, What a wank, wank, wank, What a wank, what a wank, What a wank, wank, wank, What a wank, What a wank, wank, wank.	11 My One Skin (Tune – My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean) My one skin Hangs down to my two skin, My two skin Hangs down to my three, My three skin Hangs down to my foreskin, My foreskin Hangs down to my knee. So, roll back, roll back, Oh roll back my foreskin For me, for me. Roll back, roll back, Oh roll back my foreskin for me.	12 Four And Twenty Virgins Four and twenty virgins Came down from Inverness, And when the war was over There were four and twenty less. Singing “balls to your partner, Arse against the wall, If you don’t get shagged On a Saturday night, You’ll never get shagged at all.”
13 Balls/Tits Hang Low (Tune – Sailor’s Hornpipe) Do your balls hang low, Can you swing ‘em to and fro? Can you tie them in a knot; Can you tie them in a bow? Do you get a funny feeling When you bounce them of the ceiling? Can you do the double shuffle When your balls hang low?	14 Horse’s Penis He’s the meanest, He sucks the horse’s penis. He’s the meanest, He’s the horse’s arse. Ever since he found it, All he does is pound it. He’s the meanest, He’s the horse’s arse.	15 Horse’s Anus He’s the lamest; He licks the horse’s anus, He’s the lamest; he’s the horse’s arse. Ever since he found it, All he does is mount it, He’s the lamest; he’s the horse’s arse.	16 Head

Head? Who said “Head?” I’ll have some of that. And we did, And it was great! And there was much rejoicing!!! And then we fucked! We fucked for hours!!!  Up rooting trees, And bushes, And flowers. Like Vikings,  With horns in our craniums. Arrrrrrrgggghhhhh!!!!!!!!

And then she went to the kitchen And got me a sandwich.  And I said “What? No beer?”